K.L.U.R.H

Inspire and Achieve

A dark day for Humanity

A dark day for Humanity

Well, congratulations everybody! We did it! We finally reached the point where we can’t sustain our own species on the only planet we currently reside on. Its been a long time coming and we couldn’t have done it without your help! I would like to thank B.P. for its severe lack of safety protocols for its most dangerous and important business venture. I would like to thank the U.S. government for the near utter lack of logic when it comes to the protection of our environment. Their use of “terror threats” to keep spending billions upon billions of dollars on it’s military, despite the fact that it spends more on defense than the next 20 nations combined, INSTEAD of cutting just a few billion dollars out of its 1.2 TRILLION dollar budget to help research renewable resources and provide humanity with a future. I would also like to thank those who support the 3% of all the 12,000 peer-reviewed studies done on global warming that point to us NOT being its cause. You…its people like you that made this all possible, thank you all so very much! Oh and one more thing, even IF global warming were real… whats the point in looking for renewable resources anyway, its not like we will just “run out of oil”. Thank you all again goodnight.

 

If you have no understanding of sarcasm (granted it is difficult to tell through type) this is a joke, we all have began our slow decent. Unless we do something soon, gas prices will skyrocket, economic super powers will crumble, thousands of species will be forever lost, and the last light of humanity will be snuffed out. Now I am no perfect human, I try my best. I recycle as much paper and plastics as I can, I drink tap water instead of bottled. (come on guys there is no taste difference, most of us live in first world countries, we don’t need “mountain spring triple purified water” the only difference I can tell is that one is inherently colder than the other) and I turn off lights during the day. But if we don’t do something soon the shit will hit the fan.

1. Car companies: focus on higher MPG and alternative fuel sources (algae, etc..) Those fancy Hydrogen fuel cells do very little for the environment. Those electric cars are mostly for saving money, because the electricity is almost always coal produced.

2. U.S. Government: cut some of your military funding. We are very safe at the moment. I am not saying cut it in half, just by a little bit okay. Hows about we just go with out the 22 new F-16’s this year alrighty?!

3. Citizens: don’t waste food and water. I always thought that those studies on the news that say “Americans get rid of half the food they purchase each year” was a bunch of bologna. But then I got a job at a pizza joint and boy was I wrong. Almost everyday I have to throw away halves, quarters and sometimes three fourths of perfectly good pizza. I would snag it once they leave and give it to a homeless person after work but the closest homeless person is 15 miles west. (I live in a nice part of my county)

5. NASA: You guys have had your funding cut too much and your still bein’ awesome science heroes. GG. Keep doin’ what your doin’.

6. Wind-Farmers: Find a way to make smaller wind turbines cheap, then place them EVERYWHERE. On buildings, under bridges, hell you could even put some in the middle of the ocean in a major current.

7. Everyone: I know this is going to sound cliché, but please think about our children. I want my kids to go to the zoo and see the polar bear exhibit without a big sign saying that they are nearly extinct. I don’t want our only means of sustaining our global economy to be based around a finite resource that is going to be gone within the next 30 years. I don’t want to have to dust off the ash from my car in the morning unless Mt. St. Helens erupted again.

8. The greedy: if sea levels do rise, many low lying countries (Denmark and Netherlands) will be flooded, leaving millions of refugees asking for aid money (remember thats YOUR money not theirs) Remember your house over in Fiji and American Samoa, rising sea waters will wash way your summer homes. Think about it.

If you are still reading, thank you for listening to me rant and rave about my grim look on our future, but I believe that we will all one day overcome these obstacles and forget the problems of yester year, as we watch on TV as the first man walks on Mars. I hope that before I day I will get to here those amazing words; “Houston…*static*… the Armstrong has landed *static* the Armstrong has landed.”

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This entry was posted on August 21, 2013 by .
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